Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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