Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Congratulations! We have a period
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