a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
