I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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