dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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