I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
