My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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