he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
