i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
