So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
