so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize