Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
