I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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