There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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