We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
