it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
