Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
