I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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