make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
