That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
