somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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