yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
