I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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