I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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