This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need water and some morals
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
