wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
