if you like me you must not know who I am
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
