you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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