I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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