drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
