You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
