OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
