i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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