At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
