I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
