yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
