He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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