Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do herpes really smell.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
