It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
