omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
