She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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