Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
