I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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