Got a toothbrush?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
