Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
