is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You are the jesus of drinking
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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