you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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