i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
