New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
