Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
