my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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