Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
