I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
