I could make wine with my vomit
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
