Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
