were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
