I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
