its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
