Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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