i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
