It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
